Wide Open Spaces

I went outside today. My OB said that since the babies are growing so well (and my cervix hasn't changed), I can go outside for 30 minutes a day to get some sun. This is very exciting news!!

The first trip was accompanied by my parents. My clinical partner brought me my wheel chair and I stepped outside of my room for the first time in over 2 weeks. Being in the wheel chair was quite strange since I've never been in one before. I also felt a little out of control because I am pretty much at the mercy of whoever's pushing me. But off we went, pass the nurses' station, pass the room with all the monitors, pass the double doors of the maternity ward, pass the waiting room, and into the elevator. The free fall motion of the elevator was strange too. Probably because I've been laying on my bed for so long...any motion besides laying down felt strange to me. We went down one floor, snaked through another waiting area, and exited the double door of the building.

Brightness. Blinding brightness. Warmth from the sunshine. People hurrying to go places. The trees, the flowers, the metal benches, the statues...there were so much to see. I'm feeling a bit anxious. It's strange how even being couped up for a little over 3 weeks can have such a profound effect on how I view the outside world. I kept looking at my cellphone to remind myself of the time. Not that I was wanting to make sure that I get back to my room without delay, but almost wondering how much longer until I go back to the safety of my confined space. My feeling shocked me. A couple of days ago, I was gently twisting my doctor's arm to get wheel chair priviledges...and now that I'm out, I feel like Morgan Freeman from Shawshank Redemption when he was finally let out to join the civilian world...I felt LOST!

To be okay with being "trapped" in my hospital room meant having to adjust to the lack of freedom, like giving up the thought of going outside and being okay with only finding things to do on the inside. Once that threshold is crossed, I found it much easier to be laying on the bed and letting the time pass by. Being on the inside meant leading a passive life instead of a proactive one. But once that threshold IS crossed, going back to the other side might be just as hard as coming over to this side. It might take me a couple of trips in the wheel chair to get used to going outside again. However, there's nothing like feeling the wind blow through my hair and the sun shining on my face.